Stoned Conversations With Yourself

culture

When you’re high, like really high, sometimes the most honest, uncomfortable and disturbing conversations you have are with yourself.

 

1. “Does everyone know I’m stoned?”

This conversation strikes up from the moment you leave your front door and venture into the world. Somehow, magically, everyone has their eyes trained on you, and they know what you just did. Somehow. Magically.

 

2. “Big Sean is the greatest rapper alive, and Drake obviously stole his flow.”

Your mind is altered, and you’re not thinking clearly.

 

3. “That thing I just thought would make a brilliant script. But first, the book!”

Too bad all of your genius ideas will disappear into the stoned abyss of your mind never to return. The cell receptors of your brain are being blasted with cannabinoids, and they’re sending your mind reeling with everything from ideas to fears to mundane preoccupations. Even if you write your big idea down, it won’t make sense the next day. Try focusing on remembering your name and your address—the pizza ordering essentials.

 

4. “Are my friends always this sketchy?”

Just like you aren’t always this stoned, your friends aren’t as sketchy as you think they are when you’re under the influence. If they still seem sketchy when you come to, then it’s time to get new friends.

 

5. “Am I breathing too much? Am I breathing too fast? Does my heart always beat this fast? Is it too soon to call an ambulance?”

Stop and drop the phone buddy, before you turn into that cop who called 911 when he and his wife overdid it on the homemade brownies. Instead, be more like the guy who turns on Netflix and chills out.

 

6. “Where is my life going?”

Ok, don’t freak out. This one creeps up after blissing out all day and getting less done than you intended. Maybe it’s what comes after conversation number seven.

 

7. “What is time?”

Yeah, like it’s a total construct that we’re all tied down to…but why? This classic conversation is procrastination’s best friend and a surefire way to let yourself off the hook when you show up late to brunch.

 

8. “I’m dying.”

You’re not, but try telling that to the look on your face.

 

If you recognize any of these conversations, congratulations for getting really, really stoned. To borrow from a smart gambling campaign: know your limit, play within it.

August 15, 2017

by Alana Armstrong

Profile photo of Alana Armstrong
Alana seeks to see cannabis from the perspective of politicians, advocates, entrepreneurs, and consumers. She got her start with a byline in the arts and culture section and crossed over into cannabis after using it medicinally. Current projects include investigations into cannabis and wellness; entrepreneurs of the Green Rush; cannabis for athletes; and the evolution of cannabis laws and culture in Canada.

Discussion

  • Jean Greens

    Alana…As an activist for cannabis legalization, I came to this site thinking that there would be positive comments about cannabis. The “jokes” in this piece are the exact negative stigmatization that is currently going on in cannabis. If you are going to be a professional cannabis writer, wait until its fully legalized before making jokes about loosing your brains. All these sterotypes are the exact same lies I have been fighting against.

    And the worst comment you made? “Too bad all of your genius ideas will disappear into the stoned abyss of
    your mind never to return. The cell receptors of your brain are being
    blasted with cannabinoids, and they’re sending your mind reeling with
    everything from ideas to fears to mundane preoccupations.”

    This is a great way to scare older cannabis users with cancer from even trying to use cannabis as a med. If you cant promote cannabis responsibly, please, go back to writing about Kanye. At least it wont affect anyone who is trying to get rid of cancer.

roottie-cannabis-golf
A Slice Of Golf & Cannabis
roottie-understand-cannabis
Understanding Today’s Marijuana Users
roottie-sewage-thc
Testing Sewage To Determine Cannabis Consumption
roottie-cannabis-aesthetic
Applying Cannabis To Our Lifestyle Aesthetic
roottie-canada-legalization
Canadian Cannabis Legalization Bill Passes Senate Vote
roottie-UK-cannabis
UK Is The #1 Producer & Exporter Of Cannabis
roottie-mary-grow-indoor
Mary: The Company Bringing The Home Grow Solution
roottie-branded-swag-ban
Could We See A Canadian Ban On Canna-Swag?
roottie-cook-oil-weed
Turn Your Vaporized Cannabis Into Medicated Cooking Oil
roottie-Pharmaceuticals-cannabis
How Cannabis Interacts With Pharmaceuticals
roottie-grinspoon-marijuana
Hats Off To Dr. Grinspoon
roottie-cannabis-heart
How Does Cannabis Affect Heart Health
roottie-organic-cannabis
Organic Cannabis
roottie-australia-cannabis
Australia Eyeing Recreational Cannabis
roottie-black-market
The Black Market Will Fight Back
roottie-cannabis-legal-C45
Canada Is One Step Away From Legalizing Cannabis