When you’re high, like really high, sometimes the most honest, uncomfortable and disturbing conversations you have are with yourself.
1. “Does everyone know I’m stoned?”
This conversation strikes up from the moment you leave your front door and venture into the world. Somehow, magically, everyone has their eyes trained on you, and they know what you just did. Somehow. Magically.
2. “Big Sean is the greatest rapper alive, and Drake obviously stole his flow.”
Your mind is altered, and you’re not thinking clearly.
3. “That thing I just thought would make a brilliant script. But first, the book!”
Too bad all of your genius ideas will disappear into the stoned abyss of your mind never to return. The cell receptors of your brain are being blasted with cannabinoids, and they’re sending your mind reeling with everything from ideas to fears to mundane preoccupations. Even if you write your big idea down, it won’t make sense the next day. Try focusing on remembering your name and your address—the pizza ordering essentials.
4. “Are my friends always this sketchy?”
Just like you aren’t always this stoned, your friends aren’t as sketchy as you think they are when you’re under the influence. If they still seem sketchy when you come to, then it’s time to get new friends.
5. “Am I breathing too much? Am I breathing too fast? Does my heart always beat this fast? Is it too soon to call an ambulance?”
Stop and drop the phone buddy, before you turn into that cop who called 911 when he and his wife overdid it on the homemade brownies. Instead, be more like the guy who turns on Netflix and chills out.
6. “Where is my life going?”
Ok, don’t freak out. This one creeps up after blissing out all day and getting less done than you intended. Maybe it’s what comes after conversation number seven.
7. “What is time?”
Yeah, like it’s a total construct that we’re all tied down to…but why? This classic conversation is procrastination’s best friend and a surefire way to let yourself off the hook when you show up late to brunch.
8. “I’m dying.”
You’re not, but try telling that to the look on your face.
If you recognize any of these conversations, congratulations for getting really, really stoned. To borrow from a smart gambling campaign: know your limit, play within it.
Alana seeks to see cannabis from the perspective of politicians, advocates, entrepreneurs, and consumers. She got her start with a byline in the arts and culture section and crossed over into cannabis after using it medicinally. Current projects include investigations into cannabis and wellness; entrepreneurs of the Green Rush; cannabis for athletes; and the evolution of cannabis laws and culture in Canada.